We have acheived altitude

We've been in the air for just more than an hour and a half. I've read
one complete issue of Mental Floss and have skimmed the interesting
(sic) parts of Bicycle.

I'm also swimming in alcohol. Apparently, United wants me to forget
about how uncomfortable flying really is. Thus, far, I've drunk:

• A bloody mary in the Red Carpet room. Purchased with one of my two
free drink coupons that I got "free" with my business-class ticket.
• An Airborne™ germ-fighting cocktail, lovingly prepared in the Red
Carpet room by my boss, Anthony. It looked like yellow slime, but I
feel more immune already.
• Another bloody mary, served as two airplane botttles of Absolut and a
12-oz. can of Me and Mrs. T bloody mary mix; abandoned about 1/4 full
• Two small glasses of 2003 Rancho Zaboco Dancing Bull Sauvingon Blanc,
served with warmed nuts just after take-off and nursed through my main
meal of Filet Mignon and mashed potatos. (I know, but they make you
pick your wine before dinner, and my first choice was the Szechuan
scallops and prawns).
• Most of a glass of Sandeman Founders Reserve Porto that was served
with desert.

Which brings me to another point: what the hell is United's hurry? I've
got 10 1/2 more hours of flying time ahead of me, and they've already
served nuts, an appetizer, dinner and dessert. All I've got to look
forward to is some "Midflight Snacks" (available on my request; as a
good Midwestern boy, I'm sure it will be hard for me to trouble them)
and a "Prior to Arrival" meal of stuffed peppers. Oh, well. In coach,
all they've got to look forward to is Madagascar and whatever Snickers
they managed to stuff into their carry-ons.